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YOU ARE WISER THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY. YOUR PAST HAS PREPARED YOU

Although your heart, your inward reality, is most important people still look at our outward man. People will see what you produce in your life. You must learn to see life’s experience around character and preparation. Good or bad this life is preparing you for more!

Negative preparation is when failure, suffering, or difficulty brings us unexpected gifts that launch us toward our destinies. We get so wrapped up in our circumstances that it is hard for us to step back and see the bigger picture of how these things are preparing us and developing strength within us. Other wise we lose hope in the midst of struggle and that can lead to depression. Hope is a confident expectation of coming good, therefore we must learn to change our perspective and carry this kind of hope in our hearts.

Experiences help you identify with those you are called to serve and impact.

Experiences build your faith and strengthen muscles you will need to be successful in all that you are called to do. Failures prepare us for success. Experiences can be used to remove a lesser love or something less valuable in order to make room for something greater.

Graduating successfully from a certain stage of your preparation is usually marked by removal from the challenge. If it continues, you have not yet graduated

What have you experienced?

How are those experiences valuable?

How do those experiences give you practical skills for what you are called to do?

How have those experiences given you the character you need to reach your destiny?

Application: Write down 3 ways your last struggle made you better. 

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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5 TIPS TO FORGIVE A CHEATING PARTNER

So you looked through your partner’s phone and you found out that they’ve lied and cheated on you. What do you do once you’ve found something that confirms your deepest fears? Do you forgive them? Or do you end the relationship immediately? These situations are never easy and if you have no idea how to tackle this, let me give you the 5 enlightening steps to help you rise up from this situation.

1) Identify what type of relationship you have with your partner

When two people enter into any relationship, they form an agreement. Some couples agree to see each other exclusively, some agree to date other people. The moment that one partner cheats, that agreement is broken. Before making any sort of decision, it’s important to revisit the understanding you had with your partner and evaluate whether or not that agreement was truly broken.

2) Identify your values and how they influence your decision

Take time to clarify what you want and what you value as an individual. You may value your peace, being respected, or your family and each of these may influence you in a different way. Once you’ve done this, talk to you partner sincerely and figure out what you value as a couple. Do you still want to be with one another? Or is the reason for the infidelity that they no longer value this relationship and want to be with someone else?

3) Take the power back

Regardless of your decision, you should forgive this person for the way that they hurt you. This doesn’t mean that you accept what they did or that you stay with them. It means that you free yourself of the power that this infidelity has over you.

4) Confront yourself and your reality

Consider what drove you to go looking for evidence in the first place. What was truly going on between the two of you that made you suspicious? Confront your reality and accept your faults and your portion of the blame in this situation. Only then can you take control and move forward.

5) Be 100% sure of your decision, whatever it is.

Ultimately, if you choose to leave, stay strong in this decision. Don’t look back, don’t question yourself, and don’t dwell on your decision. Focus on your part in the situation and learn from the mistakes you may have made so that you can progress and learn from what happened.

If you choose to stay, truly forgive your partner. Don’t bring up their mistakes constantly. Build a new relationship with them instead of continuing the previous one. Communicate honestly so that in this new relationship, both of you are comfortable enough to express your wants and needs.

Adriana Gallardo

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HEALING FLOWS THROUGH MY BODY WHEN I TAKE A NIGHT OUT TO DO THINGS I ENJOY

Relaxation is important to your wellbeing. Think of taking a night off each month to do something you enjoy because you know it leads to greater health and productivity. When you work, you do so with all of your heart, and when you relax, you can equally be present and engaged.

Sometimes you choose to watch a movie with friends. Sometimes you can enjoy a hike through the woods. Other times, you simple can stay home and read a book.

Whatever you choose to do, taking time for yourself renews your energy. When you go back to your normal routine tasks, you will find yourself more focused and productive, with a better perspective on the stressors in your life.

You are better able to deal with challenges that come up in your daily life when you have time set aside for relaxation. You can become unapologetic about taking this time out because you know relaxation makes you a better person, more competent and better able to meet the needs of those around you when you return.

It doesn’t matter what others tell you what they think a good use for you time is. The point is that you, yourself, thoroughly enjoy whatever you are doing and you engage in you own personal relaxation wholeheartedly without guilt.

Questions:

  1. What do you enjoy doing most?
  2. When was the last time you allowed yourself to do something relax just for yourself?
  3. Which upcoming evening can you plan to set aside for relaxation and fun?

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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WHAT WE SHOULD REALLY BE TAKING FROM BROCK TURNER

In January 2015, two Standford University students found a freshman raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster on campus. In March of this year, Brock Turner was found guilty on three counts of sexual assault. Though the maximum penalty for this crime is 14 years in prison, the judge sentenced him to 6 months in county jail because the he was afraid of the impact that a long sentence would have on the Stanford swimmer. On top of this, he was released after only 3 months for good behavior.

The fact is that yes, this was a case of white privilege. Yes, this was a case of power and money winning out over humanity and basic rights. But pointing the finger doesn’t change what happened. Bringing Turner to justice is fair, but it doesn’t take away what his victim has suffered and what she will continue to deal with for the rest of her life.

Our world is a cruel and unfair one. We take steps forward as a society, but the reality is that we can’t change this world on our own.

There are some things, however that we do have the power to control. We control our impulses, our decisions, our reactions. We control our individual part in every situation and we control how we move forward from the tragedies that the world throws at us.

We have focused so much on Brock Turner and the injustice of the length of his time in jail, but what about the victim? Not only is she faced with the aftermath of a horrendous situation now, but what was she facing the night that all of this happened?

There is a difference between drinking on a night out with friends and drinking to the point of unconsciousness. When we drink to that level, it becomes a symptom of something bigger. Every emotion we have, good or bad, leads to behaviors that transform us in one way or another. There are moments in which our loved ones turn to alcohol, drugs, or anger as an escape from emotions that may be drowning them and we judge their behaviors before attempting to understand why.

What this young woman needed before this – what she needs now, and what every one of us needs at any given time is unconditional love and acceptance

It’s imperative that we observe our world carefully and pay close attention to the warning signs. Broken people break others. If we see our loved ones engaging in harmful behaviors, it’s not our job to judge them – it’s our job to love them unconditionally. It’s our job to be aware and understand why they are broken so that instead of turning to toxic vices that bring nothing but harm, they turn to us.

Let them turn to you.

Adriana Gallardo

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LIFE SEASONS

Life has a way of causing us to grow and change as it grows and changes. Life is always changing and bringing to us what we need and also challenges that reveal more of what we need. Life comes with conflict, life comes with beauty and joy, and basically life comes with seasons. These life seasons have the power to shape feelings and behaviors. By becoming aware of them, learning them, and applying them in your existence, there is no doubt that you will craft a very fulfilling life.

Winter

Winter comes every year. It can come with different levels of cold but it always comes. People we live in places with extreme winter deal with it by preparing for it. They prepare to change clothes and way of life. Like winter, life gets rough and cold sometimes. Problems show up and we must be prepared to deal with them and not get stuck in the cold without a coat. During winter everything is dormant and the times are difficult. This season is a test to strengthen our faith. This may also be known, as a “wilderness” time/experience but understand that this too shall pass. How do you prepare for life’s winter seasons when you don’t really know when they will show up? By staying ready… when you stay ready you don’t need to get ready. This is a lifestyle of learning and growth.

Spring

After winter comes spring. This is where new opportunities arise and come into the picture. Just as flowers blossom, it’s time for you life to blossom. We must learn to take full advantage of the springs when they show up. Most people sit back and enjoy this season because things just seem to come your way. This is a time of favor but you must activate it and use it to build. Spring a time of new growth. Things are being renewed. This is a time to plant the seeds of greatness, which will be a personal strengthening that continues each day.

Summer

Summer comes after your planting and blossoming season. This is a time of reaping the benefits of your crops. If you are not careful this is where the fruit can be stolen, destroyed or spoiled. Now it’s time to defend it, to protect it from the heat. Water it and keep it growing. This season is a time of blessing but you still must work and build. This season is niece but we can’t live here because here comes the next season of life.

Autumn

Autumn is the transition going into winter again. This is the time to take full responsibility of what happened in the previous season, both good and bad. This is a time to be brutally honest with yourself and open yourself to learning the lessons that the previous seasons taught you. This is a transition time when things begin to dry up. Moving from one season to another. In this season many fall into a depression or discouragement more than any other season. This is due to people not taking such responsibilities and learning from their mistakes. Only by facing our “failures” or rather “learning opportunities” can we be ready to once more handle another winter and still be fruitful in the midst of a cold a wet season.

We will experience all of these seasons during certain stages of our life.

So if you are going through a period of winter at the moment don’t worry or stress. Spring, summer, and autumn are just around the corner.

If you are finding it challenging to free yourself from a winter period in your life RisePrograms has solutions and tools for you!

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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STAGES OF MATURITY

Most of the time we are way to hard on ourselves when it comes to our growth & making mistakes. If we understand where we are in our maturity process, then we might not be too hard on ourselves when we mess up. We all go through various stages of maturing so let us learn to enjoy the process. Here is a simple understanding of our stages of maturity in life. Understanding these stages will cause us to be more confident, hopeful and prepared in what is to come.

Stage 1- Foundation

Be sure to lay a clear and firm foundation for your life. This looks like writing out your foundational beliefs, values and vision. What are your core values? Boil them down to about 5 main core values. These values are things that are high priority for you and are as lenses in which you see and live your life through. Next, write a list of the beliefs you must carry in order to achieve what you value the most. Example; You value your family and spending time with them therefore you make sure to have a belief that is in agreement with what you value such as; “I believe that quality time is essential to keeping my family strong and in unity.” When a belief and value are not in agreement this will set you up for inward conflict and destroy your peace. Example; You have a value of being with your family but have a strong belief that you must work at least 70 hours a week in order to be successful. This sets you up to not be happy at work because you not spending time with your family and not happy when you working because your not enjoying what you value, your family.

Stage 2- Personal Growth 

Now that you have developed a clear and firm foundation you move on to practically developing your gifts, talents and abilities on purpose with purpose. Realize that there is a cost involved and that you will be challenged to give up things that no longer serve you. If you don’t like it, change it, if you can’t change it; change your perspective about it.

Stage 3- Maturing 

Now that you have a clear and firm foundation, are now intentionally developing your gifts, talents and abilities, its time to develop your specific purpose and vision. How will you use all of you potential to impact the world you personally live in? A purpose and vision is bigger than ourselves and requires us to seek out like-minded people to fulfill the vision at hand.

Stage 4- Mastering Your Life

You’re now focused more on developing others. You are a trainer of trainers developing people so that your ceiling becomes their floor and your vision and plans now have the opportunity to grow beyond you could ever take it on your own. This stage is for you to develop a strong team who will lead your overall vision. This is sort of like duplicating yourself so that you are no longer required to do it all yourself. This is you RISING up and bringing others with you. This way you will gain a greater authority & influence in your life.

Understanding the different stages of our maturity creates a clarity and confidence for us. The very basic conclusion and summary is this:

Be intentional, live on purpose with purpose. Always continue to learn and grow. Teach and share all you learn so others can RISE up with you.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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WHAT IS INSIDE THE EMPTINESS?

I was thinking about the word “emptiness” & thought about a statement that I hear people say, “I feel empty”. I thought to myself, “how can you ‘feel’ empty’?” Or “how can you feel something, where there is nothing?” which is what we are really saying when we say, “I feel empty” right?

Definition of Emptiness: Emptiness as a human condition is a sense of generalized boredom, social alienation and apathy. Feelings of emptiness often accompany dysthymia, depression, loneliness, and despair. A sense of emptiness is also part of a natural process of grief, as resulting of separation, death of a loved one, or other significant changes.

After reading this I got some insight. “Emptiness” is not really emptiness, there is emotion tied to emptiness. Emptiness is not nothingness or void but rather it contains thoughts, emotions, truths, & lies within it. This is hard to explain for most therefore I believe we essentially choose the word “emptiness” to try to describe a feeling we have inwardly that we don’t fully understand or can explain. In thinking about this I found a deeper truth that can be applied to our life and will produce healing and freedom over these feelings. “Emptiness” is really a deception or denial.

Think about it…

We “feel” something inwardly that’s isn’t healthy. We don’t know how to explain it so we say, “I just feel empty”. But that very statement actually causes us to handle this “feeling” as such.  We say, “empty” which to us means “nothing”, so we subconsciously treat it as “nothing” when it really is something therefore we are deceived or in denial. Get it?

We call it “empty” which to us means “nothing” therefore we treat it as nothing. Meaning, We don’t deal with it… This “emptiness” eats us up inwardly & robs us from faith, hope & love. It’s a deception &/or denial.

What is the solution?

Understand if/when you feel “empty” its not really “empty” and that there is something actually there. You must first face it, see it, & admit it. Use your vocabulary to try to describe what this “emptiness” feels like. Once you have a few words that describe it, ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” I guarantee that the cause will be from a lack of love in some area of your life. Once you find the area of lack ask yourself, “did I or someone else cause this lack?” It could have been someone else who caused it; it could have been yourself, or both (whether the offense was real or perceived the pain it caused is still real to you so treat it as so).

We have now faced it so the next step is to apply forgiveness. If someone else caused the pain, forgive them. This doesn’t mean you now agree with or are now ok with what they did to you. Forgiving them is releasing the influence they have had in your life through this unforgiveness, bitterness, & resentment.

If you caused it receive forgiveness for yourself. Get rid of guilt, shame & condemnation & recognize your value once again. See that you are better than that & live like it. See your value & potential. Forgiveness brings freedom by releasing & erasing the hold that pain once had on you.

Lastly, cultivate a lifestyle that releases life into yourself & others. For an example, If your “emptiness” is really depression due to failure & rejection begin to release hope, acceptance & victory. Your thoughts & words must become thoughts & words of hope, acceptance & victory. Your words will define your world. Speak encouraging & empowering words over yourself & others. Believe that you are worthy, valuable, full of potential & have much to give to others. Speak hope. Encourage others to believe that they are valuable, full of potential & to expect coming good.

In summary you:

Face it: admit the struggle, pain, and fault.

Erase it: give & receive forgiveness. &

Replace it: changing your thoughts & words to thoughts & words that release life.

Be filled with goodness instead of “emptiness”

Richard Martinez

Transformational Expert

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PARENTING WITH INTENTION AND PURPOSE

Having difficulty with your kids? They acting out and misbehaving? Disconnection usually is the culprit. Connection with your children is so important for so many reasons but in one word it’s LOVE.

For the most part I have noticed that many parents have the goal of raising children to obey (myself being one of them). With all their energy, they try to ensure that they turn out “good” and the obvious way of accomplishing this goal is to teach them to do as we say right? This is a relationships based on rules and not connection or love. But we must learn and continue to learn that parenting is about relationship not rules and regulations. This doesn’t mean there isn’t rules, discipline, correction or chores but we as parent must see through the eyes of relationship and connection with our kids. Love must be the goal.

You may be thinking, “A relationship that is focused on connection and love sounds good but what am I supposed to do just let them do whatever they want?”

Until our children learn to deal with what is going on inside of them, they simply cannot learn to manage the freedom that’s given to them. Behavior comes from inward beliefs therefore we must not get caught up on the behavior but rather become intentional in instilling the right beliefs. We as parents must be intentional in instilling strong core values and empowering beliefs systems. Not only still them but also example them out through you own lives.

They are kids! Our children are mistake makers. They don’t know what you know and haven’t experienced what you have experienced so be patient with them. They are all on a learning journey just like us. When we are afraid of their mistakes our anxiety controls our responses to them and fear becomes the teacher in the home.
For many parents intimidation has become the parenting tool. Using various levels of intimidation we seek to control them in order to make ourselves feel like “good parents” that have robots kids.

Do you really want fear teaching your children?

We want to empower our kids not make them afraid to fail. We must develop empowering core values in them and not fears of failure. If we train them in fear they will only “obey” when we are there present with them. When we leave their fear of punishment is gone and they will make decision out of what? This is why we must develop healthy core values within them. With core values they will live them out whether you are there or not.

I received these principles about 8 years ago and it really set me up for success with my own children. Today I truly seek to apply them with my own two kids who are now nine years old (Twins). I truly see the difference between the times I am applying them and the times when I slack and don’t. I hope you learn to apply these yourself.

1. LOVE is ALWAYS the Goal
Our goal is to equip our kids to be able to give and receive love being able to love themselves and love others affectively. Wise parents will model and teach skills on how to give and receive love. They model and teach things such as joy, peace, trust, follow through, patience, self-control, hard work and how to listen to name a few. As parents our lives and actions define so much in their minds therefore example greatness.

2. Connection and Attention
Many children are love-starved because although their parents are around much of the time, they never really get the attention they need. It is better to spend smaller amounts of quality time with our children without distractions rather than lots of time when we are preoccupied with other activities.

Learn to “tune into” your children at all ages especially since they go through difference seasons having different needs. Interact with them spiritually, verbally, physically and emotionally. Interact in ways that empower them and set them up for success and make it fun!

When you are not interacting with your children, teach them to respect your time constraints and provide them with constructive alternatives such as creative play. These are skill that they will need in the future anyway so begin to teach them now. Yes you must intentionally connect with quality time but it is also true that they must learn to play without external stimulation.

3. A Respect For Obedience and Authority
To be successful in life children must learn to be successful in relationships because life evolves around relationships. We must equip them to respect the rights and needs of others. All relationships require giving, as well as receiving. Positive parenting requires that parents be good authority figures for their children. Having a friendship is great but the positive parental roles of nurturing, supporting, and wise counsel and never finished.

4. Personal Responsibility and Consequences for Actions
Equip your children to make decisions and to take responsibility for their actions. They need to learn that they have the power to make things happen. They are able to respond, response able or responsible.

They also need to know how about consequences. Create and be consistent with a well-managed system of responsibility and consequences creates peace in the home where everyone knows their roles and how to win and lose. Again, this is all with LOVE being the main goal. Discipline is to shine light on the area of weakness and it empowers them to rise up to their true potential. Discipline isn’t to put them down and discourage them from trying again or even from cleaning up their own mess. Love shows them their value in the midst of their failure so that they feel powerful once again and can not only clean up their own mess but to gain so much wisdom form the situation.

5. Security, Consequences, And Self-Esteem
Most children have a desire to achieve and receive approval. This helps with the development of their identity and purpose. Speak their value out over them often. Tell them about their gifs and abilities, tell them about their potential, & tell them about their possibilities. Call out their greatness!

Self-Esteem is a result of a sense of personal self-worth and achievement. Great parents let their children know they are loved unconditionally for who they are rather than what they do, while encouraging obedience to set pre-defined rules, responsibilities and limits.

6. Creative Individuality
Every human being is unique. Even my own kids who are twins are totally different! Ha! Lazy parents try to cut corners and treat every child alike but we must realize that each have their own strengths and weaknesses. We as parents just be wise and help develop their strengths and create a platform for them to shine.

7. Modeling & Transparency
“Don’t do as I do, do as I say” doesn’t work if you haven’t noticed. Positive and effective parenting requires that we model everything we expect from our kids. You expect them to eat healthy? You better eat healthy! Don’t want your kids cursing? Than don’t curse. Kids learn more from our actions than our words.

Along with modeling, honesty and openness if also important. Many parents try to hide behind their authority rather than being humble, honest and open with them. Transparency is essential for the development of intimate, close and bonded relationships of love and respect.

8. Need Fulfillment
Don’t use your kids for your own personal need fulfillment. They are not toys or pets they are people! Our job is to work ourselves out of a job. Our job is to encourage the growth of a well-developed, productive, secure, independent, sociable, and responsible adult.

If we as parents have unfulfilled emotional needs, we had better go get help and get healed and not take it out on or project that onto you children.

9. Be Flexible
Parents should continue developing their children’s creative potential. As kids grow, they change. Intentional parents are sensitive to and flexible to their children’s growth stages. Intentional parents, “respond” to and encourage growth rather than “reacting” to it. Get a plan to be flexible as they grow because having a plan helps you respond and not react.

10. Hard Work
Positive parenting is both a need and a calling. There are few things as negative and as painful as giving failed as a parent and a few things as satisfying and fulfilling as having a well succeeded as one.

May you grow in your parenting because it truly is one of the most important jobs in the world!

Richard Martinez
Transformation Expert

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CONFLICT IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

Life is full of change…

Change means to “…make or become different… to pass from one state to another” (Oxford Dictionaries).

As early as when we are in our mother’s womb, change enters our life. We go from being conceived, to a sperm, to developing various organs in the first three weeks, to having a fully functioning body that can be birthed in twenty-two to thirty-six weeks. We go from being in a womb which was a warm, safe, and nourishing environment to being pushed and pulled out of our nine month paradise through a small canal and into a place that’s cold, full of noises and people touching us: all this is change.

Whether it’s change that is wanted or unwanted, change that brings pain or celebration, change is and will always be a part of our lives.

If you think about it, with every change there is some level of conflict within us. When we go from one state to another there’s a transition that involves struggle to some degree. Take the butterfly for example. The caterpillar sheds its old skin, which forms the chrysalis cocoon and goes inward for a few days. It then becomes a big puddle of liquid. This liquid chooses parts of the caterpillar to hold onto and kills off the rest. It then creates new butterfly tissue. The butterfly then has to fight, and fight hard, to get himself out of the chrysalis, but this struggle is necessary, actually vital to build the strength in its wings in order for it to fly and survive. It is the process of working to get out that gives it the strength and development time that it needs to actually survive.

The transition that is in between the two points of change is the place where you get the strength to move forward. Therefore with change comes conflict or said another way, without conflict there can be no change.

Even if you are changing your mind about something there is a small level of conflict within.

One more example: lets say you decided right now that you were going to go to the grocery store later this evening. Your reasoning is that you need groceries. Evening time comes which was the time you committed to go to the store but you are now too tired. So you change your mind and decide not to go. Not a big deal but my point is that there is a level of struggle going on even in this decision. There’s a counting the cost before making the decision of not going. Your reasoning includes questions like, “Do I really need to go tonight?” “Do I have food that will get me through until I do go?” “When will I have time again to go?” Even if this all takes only a few seconds and it may seem effortless because it’s done so often we must recognize that there is some level of conflict going on.

We can see how change comes into our lives no matter what. We can enter into change as victims or as victors. We can either use the change to bring good into our lives or we can just “let it happen” and hope things work out.

Change can come and we can fight it not not want it but that alone is conflict in itself. Therefore I encourage and challenge you to seize every opportunity to squeeze the life out of change/conflict and release life around you by influencing change in your surroundings and helping and encouraging others to do the same. Conflict is what we make of it. Therefore I think it would be wise if you learned how to best utilize opportunities when change comes and to cause it to be change that brings success into your life. But if you want the authority to change a situation, person, a city, a nation, or the world, you first must take responsibility for it. Responsibility…responsible. How do we become responsible? You plan! You get a vision! When you plan and get a clear vision you are able to respond instead of react in situations. You gain authority. You plan and that makes you able to respond. Able to respond. Response able…Responsible.

Get a clear vision and plan for you life and this will make you to be someone who is responsible, someone who gain authority. Also, when you have a clear vision and plan this gives the painful things in life a purpose. Vision will give pain a purpose.

Life if full of change. Change brings conflict. Conflict is what you make of it. Vision will give these conflicts a purpose. When we get a vision a plan it makes us able to respond, responsible.

Learn to enter change as a victor!

Victor Martinez

Transformational Expert

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LOVE LANGUAGES

The biggest problem we can have in relationships is disconnection. The problem is not finances, kids; lack of time, fighting etc. The problem is disconnection. Until the connection is re-established everything will be so much harder. Living disconnected complicates your life.

People communicate, hear, received and give differently. To become more effective in loving people we need to learn their language. Most often we love people how we want to be loved rather how they want to be loved. If we don’t learn their language we will constantly miss communicating the most important thing we need to communicate, love. We not only need to know the language of your spouse, friend or family member but you need to know your own. You need to know your own so you can communicate clearly what you need.

A book called, “The Five Love Languages” shares a few languages of love that can begin to be fluent in.

1) Gifts 2) Touch 3) Acts of Service 4) Words of Affirmation 5) Quality Time

Gifts

A person feels loved by a gift not just for the gift but also for what it symbolizes. The gift means you were thinking about them when they weren’t around & not only that but you got them something that they like therefore it reveals you know them and care about what they like. You were thinking about me & were paying attention & know who I am. Here a connection is made.

Now, what happens when you forget a birthday with someone whose language of love is gifts. A disconnection is made. This disconnection comes from them feeling like you have not been thinking about them, you do not really know them. The gift love language can bring a connection or a disconnection.

Touch

The touch person will count the seconds since they were last touched. The touch communicates, “I love you & care about you” the lack of touch communicates, “You are neglecting me”. A touch person will feel something is wrong when he or she goes to sit down with their spouse & the spouse doesn’t sit right next to them. Touch will energize one that has the love language of touch.

Acts of Service

This is when one thinks, “these things are important to me because I know they are important to you.” The person with this love language might say some things that sound harsh for an example, “Dish washer is full”, “Almost time for dinner”, “There are dirty clothes on the floor”… & they think the other person will automatically understand that is how you love them but they are just little hints that sound controlling. We can many times see these comments as trying to control but they are actually communicating how to love them.

A persona with the love language of Acts of service person will walk into a room a feel anxiety because they automatically scan the room for what needs to be done. When we help them in getting things done, we love them by taking away anxiety & helping them enter a rest.

 Words of Affirmation

These people need to feel valued. They truly experience the truth of how life & death come from the tongue. So if you are going to share some critical feel back share it with word of affirmation. These people are more sensitive with criticism. You need to understand negativity & criticism is interpreted, as “you don’t love me”.

Quality Time

These people feel connected & loved when you engage with them. You must show this person interest but interest in what they are interested in. You might not be interested in what they want to do while spending time with you but since you are willing to lay your life down for them you will do it anyway knowing that this is their love language. You will learn to do what they like & you will learn how to listen. If you don’t you will affectively send them the message, “you don’t matter to me”.

Learning to become fluent in these love languages will set you up for success in every area of your life. I encourage you to learn the languages of love and begin to love on purpose with purpose.

Richard Martinez

Transformational Expert

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