His Needs Her Needs

Author: Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Many times in my work I not only coach and educate, but I also counsel.  For years I have counseled married couples who are at times dealing with deep-rooted problems, or at other times, simply trying to refresh their relationships. Relationships can be very difficult and painful if we don’t know how to build and maintain sustainable connection. I myself am always reading and learning about different things that will help my own interpersonal relationships and those of my clients. This book His Needs, Her Needs: How to Build an Affair-Proof Marriage is an interesting read. It gives stark insight into where people can lack in relationships and how we set ourselves up for destruction.

This book gets straight to the point. Although the book illustrates some concepts that aren’t aligned with my beliefs, I can appreciate so much of it. Harley helps his readers understand how unmet needs can contribute to spouses becoming unfaithful to each other, he offers a chapter on a concept he terms “Love Bank.” To Harley, each spouse has an internal bank that deposits or withdraws love units based on the emotional response offered or withheld by their partner in a relationship. It’s a good visual learning-aid to use the concept of “Love Banks”.

The bulk of the book addressed five emotional and physical needs, which Harley has identified as being applicable to couples. He has divided them into the needs of females and males – alternating between the genders in the book. The areas of emotional need for the female in the marriage are identified as affection, intimate conversation, financial support, family commitment, honesty and openness. For the man, critical emotional needs are defined as sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, physical attractiveness, domestic support, and admiration.

This book has good, strong, content and I would recommend it to anyone who is or will be in a relationship.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert