Richard Martinez

Richard Martinez

Boundaries in Marriage

Boundaries In Marriage

Author: Henry Cloud

 

If you are married or planning on getting married in the future, this book is a must-read. I would recommend you have an extra copy to have ready to give away also because it’s a great tool. To me, it gives a tremendous balanced definition of what love is and looks like in a relationship. Love isn’t just hugs and good feelings, love sometimes is telling the uncomfortable truth or standing your ground.

This book challenges the reader to take their power of happiness and peace into their own hands and not blame or make excuses. It shares how to remain firm yet respectful by setting boundaries. These boundaries are not selfish but instead see the more significant long-term pictures and protects the relationship as a whole so both sides can be themselves and free in the relationship.

This book does give scriptural backing to its’ principles, but religion is not the focus. Instead, the focus is centered on relationships. It takes our complex emotions and gives simple and practical examples and explanations.

Henry Cloud has published a series of “Boundaries” books and every one I have read has been a great read with real examples and solutions.

Richard Martinez
Transformation Expert

 

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CALLING AND CHARACTER GO HAND IN HAND

Biblical Understanding of Calling and Character

We each have a specific calling and purpose ordained by God.  In order to be successful at our calling in life, we must first determine exactly what it is and develop the character to maintain it. Calling and character go hand in hand. God not only gives us calling and purpose, but He also gives us the grace and ability to fulfill it.

Many believers have good character, but they have no purpose for that character. They are good people, yet they are not really making any difference in the world around them. If you want to change the world, you must be more than “good.” You must have a calling and a purpose to focus that “good” onto. There are also other believers who don’t have character but have a calling and purpose. They begin to do amazing things and can even affect thousands of people, but after a while, their character lacks so the enemy begins to use that vulnerability,  causing the most powerful leaders to fall.

Ephesians chapter 4 is an amazing chapter that connects both Calling and Character.

Eph 4:1 “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,” In this first verse, the Apostle Paul is making it very clear that calling and character go hand in hand. He says, walk in a manner that is “worthy” of your call. But what is the call? We continue on in the passage to find out!

Eph 4:2-6 “with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.” To live with lowliness, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love – this is all about character, but what is the call? In verse 3, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Then it goes into saying there is only one body, one Spirit etc. What is Paul asking us to be diligent about? To be diligent and preserve the unity of faith. What does this mean? Preservation denotes conserving something that is already established. To preserve something implies that it is already there. As the body of Christ (1Cor 12), as a believer and member of the church,  you’re not fighting and using energy to create unity, you’re not trying to create something, you’re trying to preserve it. The bible says that there is only one body, one Lord, one God, and one Jesus Christ who died for our sins. As we go into Him, we are all in Him. There’s one body, there is a unity. You cannot separate Christ, and you can’t divide Him. We are not fighting to create unity, we are being diligent to preserve it. There already is a unity; do not fall for the attacks and the lies of the enemy that try to get you to work and fight for something that you already have.

What does it mean to preserve the unity? It connects well with the ministry we’ve been given according to 2 Corinthians chapter 5 verses 18-19, “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. ”

He gave us the ministry of reconciliation. He came not to count your trespasses against you, but to remove them, so we may be reconciled back to God. He brought forgiveness, healing, and empowerment. Our call is the same. We are called not to judge people and focus on their sin. We are to look past their problems and sin into their potential and into who God has really called them to be. We’re always showing the truth in love so that you can reconcile them to God.

This ties perfectly into what the gift of prophecy is about. 1 Corinthians chapter 14 says, “desire spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy” He speaks of spiritual  gifts but says there’s one gift you need to  strive for especially, “that you may prophesy.”  Verse 3 of chapter 14 in Corinthians says, “he who prophesies speaks edification and exhortation and comfort to men.” These are all things that build a person up, and again, bring about reconciliation.

In conclusion, we all have a calling in our lives. A purpose so to speak.  We must walk worthily in this call so as to persevere  and succeed at all of our endeavors. . We have been called to preserve unity, and to build the body of Christ through the ministry of reconciliation. We are to disciple people, teach them, baptize them, and we are to do this through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was given to us to spread the gospel, heal the sick, and cast out demons thereby freeing those who have been enslaved by the devil. We are called to equip. This is our calling and how it manifests will look different according to the gifts we each have.  We must, therefore, learn to walk worthy of it. Each day we must put on our new self (Eph 4:24), which is living by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God (Matt 4:4).

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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THE PAIN OF LOVE

Why do we need to experience pain if we are truly going to love and be loved?

Trust is that love and pain are born in the same place. Love is birthed in a “womb” and this womb is a place of vulnerability and intimacy. Vulnerability causes us to be susceptible to different levels of pain. This is why one must come to a personal conclusion if love is worth the risk. There is a, “counting the cost” involved in love but this counting the cost is in the very nature of love itself.

When you are willing to make yourself vulnerable to someone you are essentially communicating to him or her that you are willing to give them your heart. Your heart is valuable to you therefore this shows your value for them. It shows that you trust and value them enough to have a level of intimacy or in-to-me-u-see. This in turn causes them to feel valued, trusted, respected, heard, understood or in one word, Loved.

Understand this, love is as food and water, without it we die (internally). I encourage you to “count the cost”, to love and to become easy to be loved. Let people in. In-to-me-u-see. This is where the love is born.

Then comes the issue of getting hurt. Since our hearts are valuable shouldn’t we guard them? It’s out of your heart that springs forth the issues of life therefore yes you must learn to guard your heart. What does it look like to guard your heart in a healthy way? I say, “healthy way” because many guard their hearts with defense mechanisms such as, anger. Anger says, “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me”. It’s a defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms hinder love and truth from entering into our hearts (Closing up & avoiding things can be another defense mechanism that’s robs us from truth and love).

So what does the “healthy” way look like? It looks like you being clear on who you are & who you are not (true humility). It is you knowing your identity and your value. Only than can you be confident about letting people into your heart space. Why? First, because you know who you are therefore can affectively give yourself to another and be able to receive the love in return. And secondly, because you value yourself therefore would not allow someone to abuse you in any way.

Therefore the, “healthy way” has nothing to do with what people are doing or not doing. It has to do with your own personal internal reality. When you have a peace and confidence within it will manifest itself outwardly too. We guard our hearts not through defense mechanisms but rather through the confidence and freedom we have within through knowing our true identity and value. With it comes to relationships we must be bold as a lion & yet gentle as a dove. Be bold because of the risk of getting hurt & gently because the opportunity to love and be loved.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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Relationship Breakthrough

Book: Relationship Breakthrough

Author: Cloe Madanes Robbins

As a Transformation Expert I am always reading and learning different things on different topics. Since I have been getting many clients coming to me about relationship problems I have been really focusing on the topic of relationships. The more I learn the more I can help my clients.

 

This book is a good read with good tools and methods. This book seeks to open the reader’s eyes on how to seek and understand the others person’s world. Whether your partner, friend, co-worker, child or parent it’s so important for us to learn to get out of ourselves and into their world in order to really understand them and from there you will become more effective in communication and love.

 

Although I don’t feel this book goes too deep into things it does give some good tips and tools that will work for any relationship. Here are some things Cloe goes over in the book:

– Overcome life’s inevitable losses

– Resolve long-standing family conflicts

– Synchronize their needs with those of others

– Create outstanding relationships in every area of their lives

– Expectation can create problems.

– Having a plan in relationships

– Don’t blame

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THE BENEFITS OF LOVE FOR YOUR HEALTH

Well-developed individuals will learn how meet their needs for love, intimacy, nurture, and fellowship through functional loving relationships. Life evolves around people therefore the more skilled we are in interpersonal skills the more successful and happy we will be. Whether in family life, personal life, professional life, school life, church life and whatever other type of life interpersonal skills is essential yet most people are very ill equipped to manage themselves well let alone relationships well.

So much of what we consider today as nutrition is really just a secondary source of our life source and healthy energy. Love is one of the most if not the most important things for our health and happiness. When most think about health they think, “Diet” & “Exercise” right? When most people think of happiness they think of, “Family, passions, comfort & pleasure”. What most don’t realize is that both are powerful ingredients to our personal health and happiness.

This love isn’t just a love between two people it’s a love between a person and their life. It’s having a sense of thankfulness and gratitude towards life and the people in it. Love feeds us, yet doesn’t come on a plate. We can gain healthy sources of love in things such as a meaningful spiritual practice, a passionate and inspiring career, regular physical activity and loving relationships that feed your soul and your passion for living and enjoying your life.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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LOVE SUFFERS LONG

I have search and read many definitions of LOVE but the Bible to me has the best description of what love looks like.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
“Love never dies”

In verse 4 another translations goes like this, “love suffer long and is kind…”
What does it mean when it says, “suffers long”? Love involves sacrifice. We can sacrifice and not love, but we cannot love and not sacrifice. Anyone can give something that is expensive but it’s a whole other thing to give away something that is valuable. It takes sacrifice to give something away that is valuable.
It feels like is cost much more when we don’t “feel” like doing or giving it. Love is this way, many times we do not “feel” like doing or giving it and we value our “feelings” and “wants” so much, it takes sacrifice to give them up in order to love someone else. I believe learning to love is the truest and foundational calling on our all of our lives.

In todays culture love & lust, & Joy & pleasure are being confused and mixed up. When pleasure becomes the goal in life and relationships things get weird. God likes pleasure and made it for us but when it becomes a focus in our life our relationships it will begin to rob us of Joy & Love.
Love is not love until it cost you something to give it away. Love suffers long and if you do not ever want to get hurt or feel pain in your life, you will never have the truest and most powerful form of love. You can have pain & not have love but you cannot have love without pain. The door that opens to love creates the opportunity for pain.

Fellowship of suffering is attaching ourselves to those who are suffering and struggling in the midst of helping them out. When you love someone you will end up loving those who are suffering therefore you will suffer when loving.
Rom. 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Phil. 3:7-10 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death
2Tim. 2:3 You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

When you love someone who is suffering your soul will begin to suffer with him or her because of the love that ties your souls together. This doesn’t mean to invite people in your life to punish you or to torment you in the name of suffering long. Suffering for Christ does not mean having a martyr spirit & not being able to enjoy like, have money, have pleasure etc… Suffering long is LOVING LONG.

Richard Martinez
Transformation Expert

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PARENTING PROBLEMS?

You never really know what an experience is actually is like, of course, until you go through it yourself. This principle rings true especially when it comes to parenting. Having children is a life-changer that affects everyone in their own unique way. I recently read about Beyoncé and Jay Z revealing news about them having twins. This caught my attention because I personally have twins who are now 10 years old. Even though Beyoncé and Jay Z already have one daughter, I think even they would be surprised to discover that raising twins is a totally different story and experience.

Yes, raising children is darn hard work, but worth the journey. The bottom line is that every child is different. They are different from other people’s children, and they are different from their own siblings. So trying to raise them like all other children can result in frustration for you as well as the child.

Having difficulty with your kids?

Disconnection is usually the culprit behind conflicts experienced between parents and children. Connection with your children is important for so many reasons, the biggest being LOVE.

Let’s rethink the way we are raising and training our children. Let’s rethink how to love them in the discipline department. Do mistakes and failures always need to be punished? The parenting model that flows from this mindset presents a “punisher” role for the parent and creates an “outside-in” approach to learning about life for the child. This causes disconnection rather than connection. The goal is to love, and that can only happen through heart-to-heart connection.

Too often we punish and try to control our children out of our own fears and insecurities. When children grow up in an environment where their parents are afraid of mistakes, they learn to fear failure. I myself struggled with this for a long time. Because of the way I grew up, I never felt good enough and felt like a disappointment all the time. An environment of fear and intimidation does just that, it causes disconnect and excessive apprehensiveness over failure.

We should never apply methods of dealing with our kids that build fear instead of love. They are kids! Our children are mistake-makers. They don’t know what you know and haven’t experienced what you have experienced, so be patient with them. They are all on a learning journey just like us. When we become afraid of their mistakes, anxiety begins to control our responses to them and fear becomes the teacher in the home. This is how intimidation has become the main parenting tool for many parents. Using various levels of intimidation, we seek to control them in order to make ourselves feel like “good parents” that have robots kids.

Do you really want fear teaching your children?

We must learn to raise our children from the inside-out, through love, to produce freedom. We should aspire to empower our kids rather than make them afraid to fail. We must develop core values in them and not fears of failure. If we train them in fear, they will only “obey” when we are present. The moment we leave the room, that very obedience will disappear and they will make any impulsive decision they want. This is why we must develop core values within them. When core values are communicated routinely, our children begin to manifest them out of instinct whether we are there or not.

Here are 10 Foundational Parenting Principles

  1. LOVE is ALWAYS the Goal: A parent’s ultimate goal is to equip their children with the ability to healthily give and receive love. It is extremely important that people learn from a young age how to give love to themselves, and others, affectionately. Wise parents will model and teach skills on how to give and receive love. Parents should exemplify greatness in this regard because our lives and actions define so much in children’s developing minds.
  2. Connection and Attention: Many children are love-starved because although their parents are around much of the time, they never really get the attention they need. It is better to spend smaller amounts of quality time with our children without distractions rather than lots of time when we are preoccupied with other activities. Learn to “tune in” to your children at all ages, especially since they go through different seasons having different needs.
  3. A Respect for Obedience and Authority: To be successful in life children must learn to be successful in relationships because life revolves around relationships. We must equip our children to respect the rights and needs of others. All relationships require giving, as well as receiving. Positive parenting denotes that parents be good authority figures for their children. Having a friendship is great, but the positive parental roles of nurturing, supporting, and wise counsel are never truly finished.
  4. Personal Responsibility and Consequences for Actions: Equip your children to make decisions and to take responsibility for their actions. They need to learn that they have the power to make things happen. They need the knowledge to respond to any situation, or be responsible. They also need to know about consequences. As strong authorities in the home, parents must reward good behavior fairly, or deliver discipline swiftly. Children’s behavior and choices must be made to preset rules, responsibilities and limits. A well-managed system of responsibility and consequences creates harmony in the home whereby everyone knows their roles. Again, this should all come from a place of LOVE. Discipline exists to shine light on any areas of weakness and it empowers children to rise up to their true potential.
  5. Security, Consequences, and Self-Esteem: Most children have a deep desire for social approval. This desire informs the development of their identity and purpose. This is why it’s important for parents to express their children’s value out loud to them often. Tell them about their gifts and abilities. Tell them about their potential, and tell them about their possibilities. Call out their greatness! Self-Esteem is a result of a sense of personal self-worth and achievement. Great parents let their children know they are loved unconditionally for who they are, not what they do.
  6. Creative Individuality: Every human being is unique. Even my own kids who are twins are totally different! Ha!  Lazy parents sometimes try to cut corners and treat every child alike. But we must realize that each child has their own strengths and weaknesses. We as parents must be wise and help cultivate their strengths and create a platform for them to shine.
  7. Modeling & Transparency: In case you haven’t noticed, “Don’t do as I do, do as I say,” doesn’t work. Positive and effective parenting requires that we actively practice everything we expect from our kids. You expect them to eat healthy? You better eat healthy! Don’t want your kids cursing? Then don’t curse. Kids learn more from our actions than our words. Along with modeling honesty, projecting openness is also important. Many parents try to hide behind their authority rather than being humble, honest and open with their kids. Transparency is essential for the development of intimate, close and bonded relationships of love and respect.
  8. Need-Fulfillment: Don’t use your kids for your own personal need-fulfillment. They are not toys or pets, they are people! Our job is to encourage the growth of a well-developed, productive, secure, independent, sociable, and responsible adult. If we as parents have unfulfilled emotional needs, we had better go get help and get healed; not take it out on or project that onto our children.
  9. Be Flexible: Parents must learn to develop their kids’ creative potential. As children grow, they change. Good parents are sensitive and flexible to their children’s growth stages. Great parents respond to and encourage growth rather than “reacting” to it. Get a plan to be flexible as they grow because having a plan helps you respond and not react.
  10. Hard Work: Positive parenting is both a need and a calling. There are few things as negative and as painful as having failed as a parent. Likewise there are few things as satisfying and fulfilling as having succeeded as one.

May you grow in your parenting because it truly is one of the most important jobs in the world!

Richard Martinez 

Transformational Expert

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Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff…And It’s All Small Stuff

Author: Richard Carlson, PH.D

I really like about this book is how easy it is to read. Although Dr. Carlson is a PhD, he doesn’t write in such a way to sound more scholarly but rather very practical. The book gives simple ways to keep the little things from overtaking our lives and each chapter is no more than three pages at the most. Because it’s small and has many pearls of wisdom I recommendation is to keep this book in your car, by your toilet, at work in your drawer, or in your bag. You can easily pull it out when you need a few minutes to recharge and get your mind right.

There are hundreds of tips but here are ten to give you an idea.

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  2. Let go the idea that gentle, relaxed people can’t be super achievers.
  3. Don’t interrupt others or finish their sentences.
  4. Learn to live in the present moment.
  5. Become a better listener.
  6. Choose your battles wisely.
  7. Remember that everything has God’s fingerprints on it.
  8. Practice ignoring your negative thoughts.
  9. Take up Yoga.
  10. Mind your own business.

This inspiring book tells us literally NOT TO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF and to stop the things that slow our progress in attaining a life free from stress.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert

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ARE YOUR EMOTIONS MAKING YOU SICK?

Our thoughts have creative power, which makes it vital to become more intentional with our thinking in order to create the life we want to live. Our thoughts and feelings are powerful, dynamic forces that influence every aspect of our lives. They have a major impact on either the health or disease of our body and mind.

How we think and feel about ourselves is what we become. Whether we realize it or not, our consciousness and unconscious attitudes (belief systems) and feelings (emotions) profoundly affect the cells, tissues and organs of our physical bodies, as well as the conditions we experience in the world around us.

When we change the way we think, we change our life experience. When we change our attitudes towards others, their attitudes towards us change.

Positive and healthy attitudes or emotions allow the vital life force to circulate freely throughout the body/mind system. Negative attitudes or emotions create toxic chemical molecules that rob, kill and destroy the flow of life. A negative attitude eventually lowers one’s immunity and vitality, and makes the body more susceptible to pain, injury or disease.

Unresolved anger, irritations, resentment, fear, guilt and lack of forgiveness are the sources of most illnesses, and must be released. These conditions are highly poisonous to the human system.

Once we recognize and learn to release the negative attitudes that inhibit our expression of being conscious, we then remove the root causes of our disease. In this way, symptoms will fade away and we will establish permanent healing.

Richard Martinez

Transformational Expert

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The Tools

Author: Phil Stutz & Barry Michels

This was an interesting read. I found it to be a good perspective-changer on dealing with pain and problems. Aside from some of the spiritual principles expressed in the book, I really enjoyed it and thought it was a worthwhile book overall.

Jungian psychology being a practical approach, Ellis’ Rational Emotive adds a Behavioral Therapy perspective to the subject matter. Psychiatrist Phil Stutz and Psychotherapist Barry Michels help clients suffering from depression, anxiety, insecurities, past hurt or difficult problems find innovative and spiritual solutions to their struggles. Considering the fact that all of this expertise is combined in the book, it starts to become clear why it provides some great change of perspective on self-discovery. The authors combined positive thinking, positive actions, and spirituality into their formula. What I really like is how they communicate that the foundation for its success is ultimately in the hands of the clients. The key is in their own willingness, perseverance, determination and dedication to apply these principles every time and in every area of their lives. I loved reading this part because that is a core belief we have at RISE Programs. We believe that the power is within you!

The authors provide the problems and tools to overcome these summarized problems:

Problems

  1. Moving Away or Avoiding Pain
  2. Unrealistic and Untrue Negative Belief Systems
  3. Insecurities based on Assumptions
  4. Negative Thinking

Tools

  1. Reversal of Desire
  2. Active Love
  3. Inner Authority
  4. The Grateful Flow
  5. Jeopardy

Richard Martinez

Trasformation Expert

Richard-the-tools

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